Day 3

Genesis 4: 1-15

Ahhh the story of Cain and Able. A tale of two brothers, jealousy, and murder. It’s crazy and scary to me what jealousy can lead us to do. When I think of this story it seems like Cain is this mad, crazy, murder, but when I think about this verse and read it how many times have I sinned in my own jealousy…not murder but definitely gossip, bitterness, anger, self pity, etc. I see that God gave both men jobs to do and provided for their every need, but when it came time to give back to God, God chose to approve the sacrifice that was given with a pure heart; the best of the best, Able trusted God with his best and didn’t just offer generic produce, his scraps, or the over pouring of this crops. God told Cain to stop sulking, to offer up his best as well and to do well and his sacrifice too would be accepted. God knew Cain had killed Able and still asked him where Able was. Cain lied to God, God punished Cain for committing murder and when Cain asked to be killed God wouldn’t allow it because he wanted Cain to have to work and slave instead of dying…which to me is much worse than dying!

This applies to my life because I find myself being Cain so often. I look at my life, my abilities, my finances, people, my efforts and I give things to the Lord, I surrender them to Him but sometimes with wrong motives, sometime with a spirit of speculation, inadequacy, comparison and often I don’t give Him my all. I come to God to surrender things in my life to give back to Him because He has given me so much and I don’t give him 100%. It’s because I don’t trust Him with those things. Even when I know I need to give him ALL I come with my leftovers, I come with 40% and not 100% of what He has given me and why? Because I don’t trust Him with my best, with my 100% even though He has given me everything I need, provided my every need, I still have this sense that maybe I can be in control of what He has given me…..how selfish! Then I let jealousy creep in and hinder and destroy relationships with other people who are seeking the Lord. I see them giving their all to the Lord and even though I know I am only giving some…I find myself bitter and angry and jealous against them for what the Lord has given them. Majority of us wouldn’t dare think to murder our family member, friend, or loved one because of comparison and jealousy but we all definitely at some point have sinned against them in some way because of it.

Oh God make our hearts like yours, make my heart like yours! Allow us to first of all bring our best, bring our all, bring 100% to you, and surrender to you with trust, with no reservations, with no turning back. Allow us to celebrate when other surrender their all to you, to celebrate what others have and how you have made them rather than compare, speculate, become bitter and angry and jealous over them! God you have given me this heart but so often my heart is filled with such hardness, such sin. Give me a new heart, a new mind, and a life that is willing to surrender my ALL to you!!

Day 2

So today I felt very strongly that the Lord was telling me to go to Isaiah. I wasn't sure where but I kept praying and felt that today I was to read Isaiah 62, a chapter in Isaiah that I just love. I find God's love baffling. I cannot fathom how someone could love us, could love me, unconditionally and want so much for someone. I love that He made us all unique...no one person the same as another. I also love that He wants a relationship so deep that He wants us to know His name for us. I love that in chapter 62 God gives Zion a new name.

Isaiah 62
Zion's New Name
1 For Zion's sake I will not keep silent,
for Jerusalem's sake I will not remain quiet,
till her righteousness shines out like the dawn,
her salvation like a blazing torch.
2 The nations will see your righteousness,
and all kings your glory;
you will be called by a new name
that the mouth of the LORD will bestow.

3 You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD's hand,
a royal diadem in the hand of your God.

4 No longer will they call you Deserted,
or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called Hephzibah (my delight is in her)
and your land Beulah (married) ;
for the LORD will take delight in you,
and your land will be married.

5 As a young man marries a maiden,
so will your sons [c] marry you;
as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride,
so will your God rejoice over you.

6 I have posted watchmen on your walls, O Jerusalem;
they will never be silent day or night.
You who call on the LORD,
give yourselves no rest,

7 and give him no rest till he establishes Jerusalem
and makes her the praise of the earth.

8 The LORD has sworn by his right hand
and by his mighty arm:
"Never again will I give your grain
as food for your enemies,
and never again will foreigners drink the new wine
for which you have toiled;

9 but those who harvest it will eat it
and praise the LORD,
and those who gather the grapes will drink it
in the courts of my sanctuary."

10 Pass through, pass through the gates!
Prepare the way for the people.
Build up, build up the highway!
Remove the stones.
Raise a banner for the nations.

11 The LORD has made proclamation
to the ends of the earth:
"Say to the Daughter of Zion,
'See, your Savior comes!
See, his reward is with him,
and his recompense accompanies him.' "

12 They will be called the Holy People,
the Redeemed of the LORD;
and you will be called Sought After,
the City No Longer Deserted.

I also love the way the Message phrases this:
Isaiah 62
Look, Your Savior Comes!
1-5 Regarding Zion, I can't keep my mouth shut, regarding Jerusalem, I can't hold my tongue,
Until her righteousness blazes down like the sun
and her salvation flames up like a torch.
Foreign countries will see your righteousness,
and world leaders your glory.
You'll get a brand-new name
straight from the mouth of God.
You'll be a stunning crown in the palm of God's hand,
a jeweled gold cup held high in the hand of your God.
No more will anyone call you Rejected,
and your country will no more be called Ruined.
You'll be called Hephzibah (My Delight),
and your land Beulah (Married),
Because God delights in you
and your land will be like a wedding celebration.
For as a young man marries his virgin bride,
so your builder marries you,
And as a bridegroom is happy in his bride,
so your God is happy with you.
6-7I've posted watchmen on your walls, Jerusalem.
Day and night they keep at it, praying, calling out,
reminding God to remember.
They are to give him no peace until he does what he said,
until he makes Jerusalem famous as the City of Praise.

8-9God has taken a solemn oath,
an oath he means to keep:
"Never again will I open your grain-filled barns
to your enemies to loot and eat.
Never again will foreigners drink the wine
that you worked so hard to produce.
No. The farmers who grow the food will eat the food
and praise God for it.
And those who make the wine will drink the wine
in my holy courtyards."

10-12Walk out of the gates. Get going!
Get the road ready for the people.
Build the highway. Get at it!
Clear the debris,
hoist high a flag, a signal to all peoples!
Yes! God has broadcast to all the world:
"Tell daughter Zion, 'Look! Your Savior comes,
Ready to do what he said he'd do,
prepared to complete what he promised.'"
Zion will be called new names: Holy People, God-Redeemed,
Sought-Out, City-Not-Forsaken.


I just LOVE how God is gushing about Zion. He gushes about us too! He calls us Hephzibah (my delight) and we are his bride...we are married to the Lord! I love that it says we are no longer rejected, that we are a torch, that we are stunning. I look at myself sometimes and think "why does God love me?! I am so undeserving of such love" but he looks at me and sees a treasure, He see's a masterpiece, He sees beauty. I think of friends who are dating or married that have "pet names"/"special names" for each other. Names that mean sooo much when spoken to by the other. When one person calls the other by that special name there is meaning...significance behind it even if it makes no sense to anyone else, and it makes that other person feel loved and cherished by the other when called that name...as basic or as silly as it may be. That is what I feel God is speaking to me from this verse. That me, his daugher...His love...I have a special name that when spoken by Him is such a special treasure shared between us!

I met with a friend back in February and we went through the book together. What a sweet season of my life that was! She challanged me to ask God what my new name is...what His name is for me, so that when I pray to Him, and seek Him its on a much deeper, intimate level. I have been praying for months and am still seeking Him on that name, but I do know when He reveals it to me it will be such a sweet time, just like it was for the people of Zion to be called Hephzibah! I am swept away by God's love, and am honored and privilleged to be a part of His family. I pray that we can all be challenged to ask God what His name for us specifically is! I know I am still asking :)

So I have been MIA in the blogging world for a while now, and to be honest it is just laziness. I love to put my thoughts on a blog but often don’t feel like taking the time to do so. Hopefully for the next 40 days at least I will be consistent, even if the post is short but sharing what the Lord is speaking to me each day. Why am I taking this challenge…..please read….

Yesterday my friend Matt Cote brought an amazing message and challenged our local church to a 40 day challenge to get into God’s world (if you want to listen online you can go to www.brentwoodchurch.org and download the podcast…I think you should it was awesome). I wanted to take on this challenge to not just “talk the talk” but to actually get into the word, learn, and show Christ that he is my ultimate authority and deserving of my time! The challenge is that for 40 days, everyday, you designate 20-25 mins in the word. I have to admit this is always a struggle for me. When life gets busy it seems as if God takes a back seat first, and I hate that! I will get my tail out of bed at 5:00 in the morning to take care of myself physically for an hour, I will have no problems chatting it up with a friend on the phone or at a coffee shop for hours, but to wake up early, or to set aside 20-25 mins to be with God seems challenging……why is that!!??? I want a change!

My small group is doing a study right now called “No Other God’s” by Kelly Minter. At first I think we were all like “oh…idols….yeah it will be a good study….but I don’t have idols in MY life.” Little did we know that all 6 of us have been blown away by this study the past four weeks. It has been revealing, challenging, hard, and humbling. Today I started the 40 day challenge. I asked God “Lord what do you want me to read today”, and after a while I wasn’t hearing anything, I already found myself frustrated. So I started my study for this week and that is when God said “Erin….THIS is what you need today” and did I ever!!

I have read the book of James numerous times, but for some reason this verse has not popped out to me the way it did today. I read it and re-read it, and had a pang of conviction each time. James 4: 1-3 (NIV) says “What causes quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” I also like how the Message phrases this passage: “Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don't have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn't yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it. You wouldn't think of just asking God for it, would you? And why not? Because you know you'd be asking for what you have no right to. You're spoiled children, each wanting your own way.

Wow…see sometimes idols…”functional gods” are things that really are good things…its just the way we handle those desires that can turn them into idols. The word desire from verse 2 means to “covet or to lust”, Kelly Minter says that it is taken from the Greek word epithumio with literally means “to set the heart upon, i.e. long for (rightfully or otherwise)-covet, desire, lust (after). Kelly also says that an example of a “good” desire that we have may be the struggle for relationships, and the desire to be loved. Not that men don’t have this desire but she says that she thinks the pervasive desire to be loved and chosen is especially innate in women. This desire is a very good thing, a God-given thing, however we’ve all been on both sides of what happens when this desire becomes the dominating force in a person’s life. This is seen through friendship, families, and marriages that are utterly destroyed over an obsessive and consuming desire to be loved by someone. Again…taking a natural desire but making it an idol by being willing to sin (covet, lust, jealousy, bitterness, anger, and even murder) to get it.

How many times have I asked God over and over again for something….most of the time something “good” with “wrong motives” vs. 3, or having no right to have it at that time knowing that if I got it would be a consuming idol in my life? How many times have I desired to have something in my own life, and seen it in someone else’s and allowed jealousy, anger, bitterness, disconnect, and covetousness to enter the scene and either destroy a relationship, prevent one from happening, or “fighting and quarreling” with that person. How sad! I don’t want that!

Day 1…wow….amazing! I know that James 4: 1-3 spoke to me and challenged me in areas that I needed to hear! Thank you Lord for showing that to me today!

Freedom 4/24

I want to share something with you that is heavy on my heart. The sex slave industry is rampant in society today, especially overseas. There are 1.8 million prostitutes that live in Thailand, 400,000 are children under the age of 16. Each year 7.3 million men come to participate in this sick industry. Severe poverty delivered these girls over to prostitution, and girls as young as 12 years old are being sold by their own families into this horrific industry. The statistics and images are sickening and heartbreaking. Many girls feel as if there is no hope and that this is all they have to give.

My church, Brentwood Church in Lynchburg, VA has a huge heart for missions. The past few years, members of my church and the church staff have been working with an organization in Thailand called Beginnings. Many members of my church have had such a burden for these girls and have gone over to Thailand several times to work with this organization and get it off the ground to help these women get out of the industry. Our people are going into the bars and clubs and reaching out to the girls to show them there is more to life than prostitution, and that they are worth more than this. Our church is partnering with Beginnings and we are launching a new movement right here in Lynchburg, VA called Freedom 4/24. The mission of Freedom4/24 is to raise awareness of the sexually exploited women in Thailand, while simultaneously providing money to supply these women with alternative means of survival. $24 will purchase a night of freedom for a Thai prostitute, which may result in a lifetime of freedom. I am so excited about this! On Sunday March 22, we kicked off this movement at Brentwood and are trying to raise awareness of the severity of the sex slave industry in Thailand but also to see if other churches or organizations want to partner with us in this effort to raise money and help these girls get out, and learn about God.

Poverty in Thailand has forced hundreds of thousands of women into prostitution. It’s estimated that close to 300 million dollars is transferred yearly to rural families by women engaged in prostitution in urban areas. Imagine finding yourself in a situation where your final means of survival for yourself and your family is to sell the very last thing you have left…your body and self dignity. This is precisely what has happened and is currently happening in areas all over Thailand.

LET THAT SINK IN. No really, think about it…

Right now, as you read this, women are sacrificing their dignity and self worth in order to provide for themselves and their families. This is an issue of poverty. Prostitution produces an approximate annual income of 27 billion dollars for the sex industry. So, what do we do about it? Do we let the enormity of the issue evaporate our empathy towards it? No. We cannot. We must not. Edmund Burke once said, “Nobody makes a greater mistake than he who does nothing because he could only do a little.”

In order to purchase a girl for a night in Thailand, the customer must pay what is called a “bar fee.” The customer must pay this fee to the bar owner, in order to have the right to the girl for the night. This fee is approximately $24. The idea behind Freedom4/24 is that you can purchase the freedom of a girl for 24 hours for a mere $24. This money will be given to an excellent organization called Beginnings. The employees at Beginnings go into the bars, purchase this night of freedom, and then tell the girls about alternative means of survival and opportunities for life that they could never have imagined. These opportunities include: Education, Employment, and Health care (Physical, Emotional, & Spiritual). This is an enormous issue that must be addressed on many different levels. But, the end must begin somewhere. Let it begin with $24. We must make this an unavoidable issue. Get involved. It’s because of your $24 that we have many celebration stories. Here is just one:

Pun was an unwanted child. Her mother gave her to her grandmother to raise immediately after her birth. When Pun was four, her grandmother died and Pun moved to her mother and step-father’s home. Desperate for her mother’s love, she would hide in the bushes by the rice fields waiting for her mother to come find her….but she did not. Pun often slept outside all night and would wander home the next day, only to be used, taunted and rejected by both her mother and stepfather.
At twelve, she took the ten hour bus trip to Bangkok where she worked in a sweat shop for four years until she married a man who was never faithful to her. Together they decided to buy a motorcycle. Because the bank required only one signature, Pun’s husband generously allowed Pun to sign the loan. He left her soon after – on the motorcycle.
Overwhelmed with debt, a friend introduced her to life in the red light district. She worked in a bar that required her to take ten customers a month. Weary, ashamed, broken and HIV positive, Pun came to Beginnings for safety, rest and a new life. There she met Jesus, a man who would not reject her, who would love her unconditionally. He became her peace, her rest, her Savior. She is currently finishing her high school certificate. She has a future and a hope!

This issue has stirred something within me. As I watched the videos and heard my fellow sisters in Christ talk about the stories they brought back from Thailand, my heart broke, and I sat and wept! I have committed to do what I can to help these girls. I have bought a T-shirt and given $24 for a girl’s night of freedom and have committed to pray! Maybe all you can do is pray, tell others, and just be aware of this situation, but if you, your church, family, or friends would like to join Freedom 4/24 please visit the website at: http://www.freedom4-24.com/. Also you can contact Steve Petit our Life Development pastor at Brentwood church at: steve@brentwoodchurch.org. Steve overseas all of the missions organizations at Brentwood and would love to talk to you about partnering with Brentwood and Freedom 4/24. You can also visit Brentwood’s new website at www.brentwoodchurch.org or contact me as well with any questions. It would be so great if your local church or organization could partner with my local church and make a huge difference in the lives of Thai girls!

Thank you for listening to something that is dear to my heart. I am not sure if the Lord will lead me to minister in Thailand one day but I know that He has burdened my heart to pray and support them with the means that I have right now. Thanks so much!

Erin

Fireproof

My heart has been so burdened lately for marriages today! It seems like every few weeks I get more news that a couple I know are getting a divorce. It breaks my heart. Some are mutual, some are one sided, some involve children, some don’t, some have been married for 3 years some have been married for 20. If I am not hearing about couples divorcing, I hear about countless couples that are having problems in their marriage and are miserable. My heart is so heavy! I have lifted all of these people to the Lord, but still a feeling of sadness resides within me. Most of these couples have a similar story….they met, were truly in love, were best friends, and for the most part they just stopped loving each other somewhere in their marriage. I am not sure if the Lord is stirring something up in my heart to show me that He wants to use me to minister to couples, or women going through this, but friends, it breaks my heart! When I think about it I well up with tears! In my last semester of Grad school, I took two premarital/marital counseling classes and really saw the need of solid premarital counselors that are needed in the church today, and also counselors in the church that are there specifically for couples to go to and try to work out their issues to save their marriage. I struggle with the fact that I have no experience whatsoever in relationships, I have never been married, and I know God can use anyone in any way He wants, it’s just daunting to think of being used to counsel married or engaged couples and only have book knowledge, not experience as well.

Friday night I went to the dollar theater and saw the movie “Fireproof” with Kirk Cameron. I have been waiting to see it, and it finally came to the dollar theater so I knew I had to go. As I watched the movie, I spent most of it in tears (as well as everyone else around me), and have not cried that hard in a movie in a long time. I saw so many of my friends, and family members in the characters of that movie. While some of the movie I thought was portrayed a little skewed, for the most part I loved it, I love the way they portray the process of not giving up on the other, of loving the other the way the Lord loves them, and showing real life struggles that men and women are bombarded with every day. A central part of the movie is “The Love Dare” that lasts for 40 days. There are several married small groups in my church that are doing the Fireproof bible study and are doing the love dare with each other, which I think is great! I won’t give away anymore in case you haven’t seen the movie, but I highly, highly recommend you rent it or buy it TODAY!

More than anything, I want to be a wife one day, and experience marriage. I have always prayed but these days I am praying even harder that the Lord will prepare me and my future spouse now for the lifelong commitment we will make one day before Him, before friends, and before family. I know that marriage is hard, that it is hard work, that it takes two people being selfless everyday to meet the needs of the other, and everyday will not be an amazing day, but I pray that I will not have to go through what so many marraiges are going through. I pray that I will continue to be in a church that will support me, counsel me, and be there for me when I need them in those hard times. Please pray for the marriages today! Pray for the Christians who are throwing in the towel, for one spouse being left by another spouse who will not reconcile their marriage, and for couples who are living in misery every single day because they feel divorce is not an option, and feel as if they have nowhere to turn to get help or counsel and feel trapped.

I do know that in the midst of all of this, the Lord has given me a gentle heart for couples going through divorce or hard times, to not judge them, but to pray for them, love them, and be there for them as best I can. I cannot say that I support all of their decisions but I am in no way to judge them or condemn them. I pray God can use me in some way to minister to them, and to show them His love in a very dark time of their life. Here is the song used in the move “Fireproof” called “Love is not a fight” written and performed by Warren Barfield. After seeing the movie, this song makes me cry every time!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NoIJglsGms

A Wonderful 25th Birthday!

So my birthday was last Thursday the 15th. It by far was the best birthday yet. After my small group celebration on Monday, and my friend Vanessa taking me out on Wed. night, Thursday was a fun day as well! Dina took me out for breakfast at my favorite breakfast spot “Famous Anthony’s” (they have the BEST sausage gravy and biscuits in Lynchburg) where I enjoyed my usual and a cup of coffee. I arrived to my desk to find it COVERED in balloons, confetti, streamers, and signs that said Happy Birthday. There was a “skinny” latte on my desk from Vanessa, and some cards from my friends. After work, I went to dinner at a new restaurant downtown called Waterstone. It is a really cool restaurant known for their amazing pizza, and it’s got exposed brick and stone on the inside; a really cool environment. Then I went home and enjoyed the BEST chocolate, peanut butter cake I have ever had in my life (homemade by my bestest friend who did an AMAZING job on her fist homemade cake. Props to you Dina!). I ended the evening watching Grey’s anatomy, sipping coffee in my PJ’s :0).

On Friday I was told not to plan anything and not to ask questions. I was told to pack clothes and dress warm. So Thursday night I packed like 8 outfits (I didn’t know what I would be doing, where I would be going….so I had to be prepared!) and anticipated my birthday weekend. I went and got my hair cut on Friday afternoon and my friend Sarah did an AMAZING job as usual. I left with a boost of confidence and was glad I cut my hair finally b/c I had been wanting to do it for a long time. She took her time to style it and made me feel beautiful. Friday after work I went home, packed the car, and headed north towards Charlottesville, DC, and Baltimore. I was not sure exactly where we were headed but I knew a bunch of people were going to be wherever we ended up. After an hour and getting off the Charlottesville downtown exit, I realized we were going to a fancy restaurant. We reached our destination in front of the Melting Pot restaurant!!!! For those of you who are not familiar w/ the Melting Pot, it is an upscale fondue restaurant where you sit at a table and share cheese fondue, salad, a main course of a variety of meat and seafood, and a delicious chocolate fondue. I had never been before but always wanted to. I arrived and felt like a VIP! The waiters and waitresses took my coat, offered me a drink, and kept saying happy birthday to me, and even got me a card and all signed it. I got in and realized that one side of the restaurant was reserved just for my party and about 17 of my closest friends were there for it! This had been planned since October and they all managed to keep it a surprise for me!

We couldn’t all sit together but had to sit at 4 different tables, but overall everyone had a blast! I cannot describe to you the overwhelming feeling I had that night other than blessed and grateful. I feel so blessed to have such amazing friends who love me enough to drive an hour away, walk through the cold to get to the restaurant, and pay a lot of money to eat someplace I have always wanted to go. As I sat there throughout the night and looked around at all of my friends having a good time with their fondue (many of them experiencing this for the first time), laughing, talking, and celebrating, I had to smile, and it almost brought tears to my eyes. I have such amazing friends, and am so blessed to have them in my life to share my life with them! After a 3 hour dinner and an amazing chocolate/peanut butter fondue to end the night, everyone bundled up and gave hugs to head back to Lynchburg.

Dina and I drove to Richmond, got there LATE, spend the night at a hotel, and then Saturday woke up, ate breakfast, and headed out to explore parts of Richmond we had never been to before. The lovely GPS “Gwen the Garmin” took us the wrong way and we ended up in the heart of downtown Richmond for a while. It was really cool to see that, and then we made our way to a variety of shops. After a nice day of shopping and relaxing we ended the evening at Red Robin where I got a free birthday meal!

Looking back it was the best birthday ever, and I had soooooo much fun! I am excited for this 25th year of life the Lord has blessed me with. I am excited to see what he does in and through me this year, and what he bring to my life this year as well.

Hello 25!!!!

I'm 25!

Today is my Birthday! I have had such an amazing birthday week! Monday night my small group girls threw me a surprise party! We had breakfast for dinner (my favorite) and just a great time of fellowship. Last night my dear friend Vanessa took me out to Cracker Barrel for dinner and I LOVE Cracker Barrel! It was a fun evening of catching up, laughing, and just having fun w/ each other. Today I came into my office and found my desk completely decked out w/ balloons, confetti, ribbon, and birthday signs! Dina took me out this morning for breakfast at Famous Anthony's (my favorite place to eat breakfast.....the BEST sausage gravy and biscuits!) and then when I came in I found a NF Vanilla latte on my desk from Vanessa w/ cards from my friends and co-workers! So...it has been a GREAT day! I can't wait to see what the rest of the day holds. Dina has so many things up her sleeve, so I am excited! Thank you to all of you in my life, I so blessed to have such amazing people in my life! Thanks for following my journey and keeping up to date w/ my life. :0)

This weekend was fun. Friday night I babysat for some friends. Saturday I got up early, went to Starbucks, did some window shopping, then went to my friend’s daughters 3rd birthday party. It was all adults but it was so cute to see her getting so excited about her cake and her presents. After that I went home to clean up the house a bit, took a nice long nap, and headed to Roanoke to go to a friend’s house for dinner. Their 5 year old daughter really wanted to spend the night w/ me and Dina so we packed her up and took her to our place. Sunday the three of us went to church (having a child to look after can be hard work). Church was great, and Jon talked about forgiveness. It was a challenging sermon and one that I think a lot of people needed, me included. After church I went to my friends Amber and Brian’s house for lunch and then Amber and I talked about a wedding we are planning together in May. Then I finished my house cleaning and enjoyed a relaxing evening.

My birthday is on Thursday (the big 25)so I am excited as the day approaches b/c Dina says there are some fun and exciting surprises in store. Tonight is small group and we are starting our first lesson on the book of Daniel (a Beth Moore study). So, I am excited to see what will happen this week!

Longing to Travel!

First off happy first birthday Gwyneth Rose (check out http://cfhusband.blogspot.com/ for more info). If you haven’t heard of my friends Tricia and Nathan’s journey the past year, please visit their blog to see what they have gone through and what the Lord has done for them!

So Christmas and New years was a good time for me. I went to PA for two days (b/c I had to be back to work on the 26) and it was nice to see family and have fun. It really was a good time this year. Different, but good! For new years I wanted to have a big fancy party w/ lots of friends, but a lot of people were out of town or made prior plans, so Dina and I headed to Roanoke went out to dinner, and stayed at a friend’s house (they were out of town) and we played Rock Band 2 and Wii all night till the ball dropped. It was fun and then the next day we went shopping. I am excited about 2009 and hope it is an amazing year with lots of new things and more firsts ;0)!

So lately I have been kinda down. I am so grateful for my job! I like it, and I love the kind people I work with. The money is not great at all and I feel like I can’t save or get ahead in my student loans, but I know God has me here for a reason, and I daily come to work thanking God for this position and praying that I can be ok with this for now and try not to complain. The thing that is getting me down is that I really want to travel. Lately it is consuming me. I will spend my days looking up cruises, looking up plane tickets, rental cars, and looking up different places I want to go to. I know it may sound silly but I want to travel so badly! The only thing holding me back is no vacation days yet, and no money. I could probably save a lot and travel if not for Sallie Mae (she and I are not friends right now!), but with that huge payment every month it makes it hard!

I have such big dreams, but feel like I can’t do them. I want to go so many places and have a big list of places I want to visit! I look back and in almost 25 years of life, and I have been a lot of places, but I dream of traveling more! I pray that God will provide for me this year so that I can travel! Alaska was so beautiful and I dream of going back there soon to see things I didn’t see this summer and to see the Northern Lights! I want to go to Hawaii, the Mediterranean, Europe, Australia/New Zealand, the Caribbean, I want to visit every state in the US, and go to Cabo San Lucas Mexico just to name a few! So, hopefully 2009 will allow me to meet some of these dreams! I also pray that I can continue to trust the Lord and trust that this is where He wants me right now and that when He wants me to move on He will let me know and that He will open doors for me.

Lynchburg is home, and I love it. Lord let me ok w/ where you have me, and continue to show me where you want me, and show me what my dream is! Please don’t let me get angry, bitter, and unhappy like I was a year ago! Thank you for everything!

A Look Back at 2008

As I look back on 2008, I am filled with a lot of emotions. I am definitely going into 2009 a different person. I feel that in one year I have grown a lot, learned a lot about myself, life, and others, and experienced a lot of things, many for the first time. I laughed, cried (a lot), struggled, rejoiced, traveled, regretted things, conquered fears, and crossed things off my 2008 “To do list”. I made new friends, and made memories that will last a lifetime. I do know that this time last year if you would have told me I would have done, and been through half the things I did I would not have believed you. This year has been good in many ways but also has been very hard.

One thing I learned a lot about in this crazy year is trust. There were many things that I felt I had control over but I didn’t. God ultimately has control over everything and I had to learn in some hard ways that I was being very controlling and I had to give that up and trust that He had things under control and that I have to trust Him especially in dark times. After a rollercoaster of a year, I am anticipating 2009 and greeting it with open arms. I am still unsure of a lot of things, but what I have learned from this past year is to take things one day at a time, and enjoy each and every moment of every day! I am so thankful for the life God has given me, and I am praying that 2009 allows me to: travel a lot, find my dream, be where God wants me to be, change the world, serve others, buy a car, meet more people, and continue to trust wholeheartedly in the Lord!

I do have to give a shout out to Danilee and Tommy Smith. Without them in my life, and their friendship I would not have been able to experience half of the things in did in 2008. Thank you guys so much for investing in my life, being there for me, pushing me, and allowing me into your lives. I love you both so much and will forever cherish the memories I have had this past year!

Just for fun, here are some of the many “Firsts” I experienced this year :) Enjoy.

My “Firsts” of 2008

My first time on a plane
My first trip to AK/west coast
My first car (bought w/ my own money and then sold in less than 2 months :) )
My first “real” date
My first time witnessing a birth
My first (and last) Masters degree
My first trip to TX (in a truck with 3 other adults and a newborn)
My first time working in the food/coffee industry and my first time being a manager
My first time leading a small group
My first year maintaining my weight loss
My first time going two steppin (with real cowboys even :) )
My first real rodeo (sorry Lynchburg peeps….bull bucking in Boonsboro is not a “real” rodeo)
My first time on a cruise boat
My first time seeing the beautiful breathtaking Mt. McKinley (from land and air!) and the Rockies
My first time swimming in a natural hot springs
My first time trying and enjoying sushi
My first time being a wedding photographer
My first time shooting a gun :)

My first time hiking a glacier
My first time eating fresh caught AK salmon (amazing!)
My first time taking communion w/ tortillas (at a church in TX, not bread or crackers…tortillas..gotta love TX) :)

My first time seeing a nonstop sunset for 5 +hours (and numerous "sunsets" at 12 midnight)
My first time being in daylight 24/7 for 2 ½ months and seeing no darkness
My first time living w/ boys
My first time sleeping on a cot (for 2 ½ months)
My first time experiencing 40 degrees below 0
My first time seeing a moose in the wild and a whale in the ocean
My first time witnessing a cow branding
My first time riding a horse (I rode one before at “snow camp” and didn’t really ride, just got on and got off).
My first time as an official VA resident (no longer a PA resident!)

Christmas Time is Here

So it’s been a couple weeks since I last updated. Life is getting busy again: lots of gatherings, lots of activities, and committments but I thrive on busyness.....sometimes it gets to be too much to handle but I would rather be busy than bored with nothing to do. Christmas is next week and it’s hard to believe it’s here. It seems like yesterday I landed in the August heat and humidity at the Philadelphia airport coming back from Alaska.

I know a lot of people are affected by the economy this Christmas, and me being a giving person, this Christmas is very different. I do not have the funds to buy a lot of gifts like I normally do. I love the act of giving but this Christmas I believe will be special for many because a lot of people don’t have the finances to do so. I think this year is a time to reflect on what Christmas is really all about. It gives families the ability to be creative in making homemade gifts, or give nothing at all, just to spend that time with each other and forget all the “commercial” aspects of Christmas time and embrace the birth of Christ and enjoy the time to get together with family and friends you do not see often. I know for me, it has allowed me to take a step back and instead of worrying about what to get everyone on my huge gift list and going in and out of tons of stores to get the “perfect” gift for everyone, I have had time to really enjoy spending time with friends and soon family and just enjoy their company in this season. I think the bad economy has allowed at least me to find simple happiness and joy this holiday season instead of worry, anxiety, and spending tons of money. I am thankful for where I am at, even if I don’t want to be here. This year has been humbling and I am excited to see where the Lord takes me in 2009 :)

Being Thankful in Everything!

Thanksgiving is one week away exactly, and last night I went to The Gathering at Brentwood and through the message, the video, the songs, and the communion I was really challenged to be Thankful even when it’s hard to be Thankful! There is so much to complain about and look at as negative, but I have air to breath, a roof over my head, clothes on my back, a family, good health….etc. I can be Thankful in everything, and this time of year is a good reminder to do that. As I reflected on this past year, 2008, it has been hard and challenging, but at the same time there are so many things I can look back on and be soooo thankful for. Here are a few things:

I am thankful for forgiveness, healing, and reconciliation. The Lord has shown me that He can work in mysterious ways, and that true authentic relationships can be formed if the body of Christ functions as it should! After 5 years of so many negative emotions, a true, real, authentic, loving friendship has formed with someone that I can’t imagine my life without! You know who you are and I pray for you daily and am so thankful that God has brought you into my life and has given me a real, true friend. I am thankful that the Lord spoke to you last year at this time and that you obeyed Him and contacted me to heal those deep wounds together! Thank you God it was all you!

I am thankful for friends, the true friends that “do life” with me, and will not judge me or leave me and accept all of me even the messy stuff! I love you all, and you truly are Jesus to me!

I am thankful for good health. Going 6 months without insurance was/is scary especially having health issues, but God has been good in allowing me to stay healthy and safe; what a blessing!

I am thankful for a place to live. While my apartment has its perks and downfalls, and was truly humbling moving from a luxury apartment to a place out in the country, it is a true blessing at this time of my life and I am thankful for it (chickens and all!).

I am thankful for the dark times I have gone through this year. Numerous scary health problems, relationship problems, Alaska, unemployment, lack of direction, school….all of these situations sucked big time, but in the end and down the road I grew stronger, wiser, and healthier . Without having to go through the rough times, I may not be the woman I am today. I cannot say that when I was going through them I was thankful, in fact most of the time I was very mad and distant from God and others, but I see now that I had to let Him lead me through those times to shape me, mold me, and grow me. Thank you for the dark times Lord! (Isaiah 42:16)

I am thankful for unanswered prayers. Again, looking back on my life when I would pray consistently everyday for things, I cannot say that I was thankful for God saying “wait” or “no” but I am thankful that all of those things He said no to because it is now that I see it was not what He wanted, it was what I wanted and He kept me from a lot of pain, heartache and hurt that I couldn’t see at the time.

I am thankful for a job. While working at LU again is not what I wanted (I said I would NEVER go back….haha jokes on me!) I am thankful for the opportunity to learn new things, meet new people, and wait patiently until the Lord reveals where He wants to use me next and hopefully reveals my dream to me. I took a pay cut leaving LU, going to AK, and coming back here to another position but I have to remind myself daily that I am here for a reason and the Lord will provide for all of my needs.

I am thankful for provisions. There have been so many times the past 6 month that I did not know if I could pay bills, buy food, etc., but the Lord always worked it out that I would get just what I needed, I just need to trust that it will happen like that.

I am thankful for my singleness. I never thought I would be saying that, especially as I approach 25 (I know thats not old, but hear me out) but the Lord has shown me that I just have to keep waiting for the one He has for me. I have done so much, seen so much, and have developed as an individual and I would not trade these 24 years of singleness for anything because I may not have been able to experience those things if not single. I desire so much to be married, to meet that man that is perfect for me, to be a good and loving wife, and to have what my pastors, my friends, and my mentors have in their marriage, but I also know that in I Corinthians 13 is says that “Love is Patient” so why would I want to rush anything, or do things on my terms. Maybe 2009 is the year I will actually date, and meet my soul mate...that smoking hot, godly man made just for me :), but if it is not I will be ok, and I will continue to wait! Thank you Lord for this season of singleness that I have to grow with you, fall more in love with YOU and continue to grow into the woman of God you want me to be! One thing I have learned this year as well is that I am worth waiting for!

I am thankful for the gifts and talents the Lord has given me. I am thankful for my desire to serve, to be hospitable, to give, to love, to encourage. I have seen how the Lord has used me to things for others and how He has been glorified in all of these things. I am so glad that the Lord has made me the way He did, and even though many days I don’t always like me…..I know that I was created this way for a purpose and am willing to be used in any way to glorify Him!

I am thankful for a WONDERFUL church that I call home...Brentwood Church. I am thankful for a godly pastor and staff, I am thankful for small groups and the privilege to lead one at this time, I am thankful for the challenge I get every Sunday, for the realness of the church, for its authenticity, for the people that love the Lord and love others, for the worship I can experience with God each week, and for the ability to serve each week on host teams. It is truly an important part of my life, and has shown me what a local church should look like! I really missed it when I was in AK, and am honord to be a part of this amazing group of believers!

I could go on, but these are some of the big things I have been thankful for this year! I look forward to another year of new excitements, challenges, and growth and am challenged to find thankfulness even in those dark, lonely hours when I think there is nothing to be thankful for!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I love you all dearly and pray that you can reflect back on your own life, your 2008, and see God’s grace, provision, and love in your story as well! :) Here is the video we watched, enjoy! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wQo_eYSc2Y

It's Getting Cold

The beautiful colored leaves have fallen off the trees and the erie bare branches are exposed to the cold air that has moved in preparing for snowfall. I love fall. I love all the colors, the festivities, the food, and the ambiance it gives when you walk out the front door, but I do not anticipate the cold weather and snow. Despite the chilly air and the layers you must wear to go outside, the advantage to the winter months is that I also love when the holidays are approaching. I like to go shopping and browse the stores looking for bargains, and gifts for friends and family. I love Christmas music, Christmas decorations, the smell and taste of holiday food, making cookies and wrapping presents. Most of the time its seems like people are in better moods, and its seems as if the holidays create a sense of bonding and togetherness.

Last night Dina and I put up our Christmas tree (yes its early but the next few weekends are busy and last night seemed appropriate). It looks so homey in our living room now, and I love to sit in the living room listening to Christmas music and drinking hot chocolate by the glow of the Christmas lights. While Thanksgiving has not arrived just yet, I am anticipating the Christmas season! I do love Thanksgiving and look forward to seeing family and partaking in some delicious food!

Small Group

Last night was the fourth meeting of my new small group. There are 5 of us, and to be honest at first I was a little scared of starting a new small group. I was in an amazing small group for 2 years with some amazing ladies, and the thought of having to share my life again with strangers and start the process over again scared me. Also I was asked to co-lead this group which was scary because I do not feel as if I am a good leader or teacher and I swore I would not lead a group....funny how God works huh? :) Last night was a sweet night. The first two weeks we played ice breaker games and had a lot of fun, and then the past two weeks we have shared our stories. Last night we all talked before we parted ways and expressed that we could all relate so well with each other, and that so many of us could relate to each others stories and how it was so nice to have a group of girls that you feel you can trust and relate to.

I love small groups. I love Brentwood and the passion they have for small groups. Not to knock Sunday School because I think that can be a good program in a church if done properly, but from my experiences, Sunday school can be so mundane, cliquey, and surface level. Its almost like something you "do" on Sunday morning because you have to, but most of the time you really don't do life with those people you do your Sunday "duty", but on a smile when you walk in the door even if your week has been horrible, bring a dessert to an occasional party, and go on with your life. For me small groups are so much more. Small groups are about being transparent with each other, being real, sharing your story, your struggles, your triumphs, and your heart with a group of people you are committed to and trusting them to help you through life. I am so blessed! I'm not going to say that doing life with others is easy because its is not! There are times when things are bad, when you want to give up, and when you don't want to be open with those people but in the end it is so worth it!

Funny

It is so funny to me how God works sometimes. As most of you know, I quit my job at LU in May and have been unemployed until last week. That period of time was very stressful, confusing, and I spent a lot of time arguing and crying with God asking why He would open the door for me to go to Alaska, then not give me a job until two weeks before I had to leave and then bring me back to Lynchburg with no employment for 3 more months. I became angry with God as I daily saw my bank account dwindle, but the other day I was reading back through my journal and I saw a bunch of posts where I was pleading with God to give me rest. I have read the verses about rest but never felt like I had that. Before I left for Alaska I was non-stop busy. I had work which I was struggling with, I had church commitments, I was taking classes with lots of work to finish up my Masters, I had stuff going on almost every night of the week and I felt burnt out. The Lord spoke to me the other night as I read back through my journal and showed me that even though I was not working and making money for 6 months, He had given me the rest I so longed for! Yes, it was stressful, but I didn't have commitments, I didn't have deadlines at work to stress about, I didn't have school work to stress over, I had time to read, pray, seek direction, and do.......nothing. Thank you God for giving me that rest that I so needed even though the past 6 months I saw it more of a curse than a blessing!

Another funny thing the Lord did (he is such comedian sometimes) is that He provided a job for me back at LU. I swore when I left for Alaska that if I returned to Lynchburg LU would be the LAST place I would look for a job. I had a couple interviews, and nothing was working out. The jobs I wanted were not available and I have no money anymore to move to another city to look for a job, and then the Lord opened the door to a job back at LU, and back in DLP Academic. I have enjoyed my job this past week, and I am so thankful for it, but I am curious to see how the Lord uses me and what He will teach me during this season of my life. So.....we will see what happens, but I am excited to see whats around the corner. :)

Long time

Well Friends, I am sorry I have not written in a while. I have no Internet so it makes it hard to write on a daily basis. Not much going on here in L-burg. I went to one of my best friends weddings last weekend and it was a blast. She was beautiful, it was a fun wedding, and I got to hang out with old friends. This weekend I am going to Atlanta for another wedding, so that should be fun! I still have no job. I've had lots of interviews but no one wants me. I hate that. I have tried to keep my spirits up but seriously, if I don't get a job soon I will have no money left. I keep praying that God brings me the right job at the right time but it is so hard feeling worthless, and feeling like no one wants you. I have the education but I have 0 experience so that sucks!!!

As for everything else.....I am co-leading a small group and we had our first meeting last night. I am excited to see where the Lord will take the 5 of us these next 8 weeks. Other than that nothing is going on. I hope you all are doing well! Thanks for reading :)

Labor Day

Last night we drove to Roanoke to go to the White's house for the holiday. We got here and played with the kids, ate dinner and then watched a movie. Today we woke up, made a good breakfast and babysat the kids while the White's went to the church to send some volunteers to Mississippi to help people in the hurricane. I think in a few hours we are going to cookout and then Dina and I are going to the mall to see if there are any really good sales at Valley View. After that I think we are heading home. Tomorrow I want to contact some places about jobs. I am really bored and tired of not working so hopefully soon I will get something! Well that is about all the excitement that is going on in my life. As you can see nothing much! I am going to try to enjoy Labor Day so talk to you all later! Have a great day!!!

So I am all moved into my new apartment. It has its perks and its downfalls but it will do for now. It is 10 miles from the highway and is tucked away in the country so that is something that I am not used to. I have been used to being close to everything and now being further out is something very different. It is quiet which is good, and the landlord is nice. The carpentry of the house is horrible, and we have no dishwasher and now drawers in the kitchen. I also have mold in my closet! :( ew! But it is month to month and is really cheap so I guess I can deal with all the downfalls. I have no Internet which makes things hard in that area. I have been utilizing Panera Bread's free wi fi for the time being. I do love my queen sized bed! After sleeping on a cot for two plus months it is so nice to have all my stuff and have a nice big bed to sleep in!

Today I am babysitting again, and then tonight my friends are having a cookout at their house which will be a lot of fun. Tomorrow is church, and we may be going to Roanoke to spend the night and will be celebrating Labor day at the beautiful Smith Mt. Lake! So the weekend looks very fun, and hopefully this week I can get a full time job! Continue to pray for that! Other than moving nothing much has been going on. I will fill you in on more later.

No Internet

Hey friends, so I moved into my new apartment yesterday and we have no internet so I will have to be going to places with free wifi for a while. So if you see that I have not updated that is the reason! I will be back on soon to tell you about my new place and all that is going on. Thanks friends!

So yesterday we wanted to move into our new apartment but didn't have a truck or Uhaul, so we filled out applications, took some to places and then met with a girl that does AMAZING photography. It was sooo good to meet with her, ask her questions, and get some tips for the wedding I will be doing in a few weeks. Then I went to the mall to look at camera stuff at Ritz, then Dina and I went to our friends Tim and Colleen's house for dinner. It was a lot of fun, they had fajitas which were amazing, we caught up and then had a yummy dinner. So that was fun!

Today I babysat a 4 month old girl. She was pretty good, she is getting a tooth already and was a little cranky but did a good job. I went to lunch with my sister which was good, and then came back to MJ's till the baby's mom came to pick her up. Tonight I was going to babysit again, but it got canceled so I am not sure what the night will hold. HOPEFULLY Uhaul will call us today and we will be able to move tomorrow! I am sooooo ready to have my own place and not live out of my suitcases! Continue to pray for a job! I don't even know what to do and I know the Lord will provide for me! Well.....I am going to go for now. I have had a headache all day so I might lay down.